An AU to End All AUs
by Dark-Plague2863
Summary: Take 1 night's boredom, far more soda than one should drink, and 2 hours of anime. Stir with conveniently placed keyboard until pasty thick... or something to that effect. ONESHOT


I don't own EVA. And after reading this, you'll probably be glad I don't.

* * *

Gendo Ikari drove into his parking lot, came to a stop, and turned off the car. It had been a long week at NERV, and he was glad to finally be home.. Finally able to take a nice, long, 48 hour (Well, maybe 47 hours and an hour to watch Walker: Texas Ranger… ('Man, if I was him, we wouldn't need those fucking Evas!')) nap over his two day weekend break. 

His last day at work had ended just like all the others, which tended to be a good sign for sleep;

--

"Alright, go down the schedule for me Fuyutsuki." Mr. self-proclaimed Demi-God exclaimed from the center of his little Sephirotica.

"Lowered employee's salaries?"

"Check."

"Ogled 15 year old in a tube full of LCL for two hours?"

"Check."

"Took advantage of Dr. Akagi?"

"Yep."

"Sent son into a temporary depression 5 times?"

"10 actually"

Fuyutsuki grinned a little and put a little gold star on February 2nd. "Alright then, that's everything for today. Plan on staying awake at all this weekend?"

Gendo roundhouse kicked the pink feathery piñata he had hanging from his ceiling, and left without another word, leaving Fuyutsuki with all the information he needed.

* * *

"Ah yes… all is right with the world." Gendo remarked before letting out a yawn. "Just set up the security- 

(Outside of Gendo's house, candy canes and flowers sprout out of the ground, and pink boards surround the original outlook of the house. A would-be assassin would never expect this to be the house of the infamous Gendo Ikari.)

"-and hit the sack."

**_LATER THAT NIGHT_**

While Gendo had managed to fall asleep relatively easily, it was a restless sleep. Gendo was never one for dreams, and even when he did have one, it didn't tend to last very long. However, tonight was different… tonight, this man's dreams would change the fate of this very world. Prepare yourself… for we are about to enter;

**_GENDO IKARI'S MIND_**

Gendo Ikari woke up and stretched. Nothing out of the ordinary here, his body pretty much set itself to waking up for his favorite show. He checked his clock just to be sure. Yep, sure enough, 5:26, 4 minutes to get downstairs and grab some donuts.

As soon as he exited his bedroom however, his internal angst0meter dropped down to a dangerous level. Something was wrong, and non-angsty… and this didn't please Gendo at all.

His senses had yet to fail him, and their clean slate would continue. "Why…why are my hallways painted pink?" After rummaging through this new notion, a terrifying idea came to mind. He ran back inside of his room. Damn those senses of his…

"Wha..but, how in the..?" Apparently Gendo doesn't pay attention to his surroundings when he's half asleep. The flowered wallpaper covering his room would be testament to that indeed.

Stifling a scream, Gendo rushed to his bedroom window (Which was now furnished by many flowering vases), and looked outside. His scream wasn't to be caged this time around.

This was still Tokyo 3, but everything was wrong! The people walked along the streets merrily, chatting at will… Gardens and parks were littered amongst the block, birds and animals sang and walked around freely! What had happened here!

"Mou.. Anata, about time you woke up!" An oddly familiar voice spoke from behind. Gendo spun around, and his eyes bugged.

It was her.

"Yui… You're alive? How can this be?"

Yui grinned, and took it in stride, almost as if she knew the question was coming. "Don't you remember? You contained Third Impact using EVA 01 and brought me back!"

Gendo nodded at that, but was still just as agitated, "But… wha-what is all this!" He motioned outside wildly.

Yui seemed to laugh at that. "Oh come now! You never had a backbone when we were married before, you think you would now! People just decided to turn this place back into a peaceful land! A place people could live in harmony! (Gendo shuddered at that word) Isn't it grand?"

Gendo looked like he was on the verge of tears. Or whatever it may be that Gendo cries, Tabasco maybe. "Bu-but my angst! Where's all my angst and misfortune!"

Yui smiled like a giddy little school girl, but before she could reply, a voice was heard from downstairs, "Mom! Dad! I'm going to go pick up Rei and head to school now!"

"Alright dear!" Yui replied quickly before turning back to Gendo. "Isn't life great? Shinji got over his fear of Rei, and they got together after things started calming down! They've been going out for 2 months!"

That was the last straw… His loyal tool for chaos and destruction couldn't just 'go out' with his angst ridden play thing of a son! "N-n-no! This isn't right! This just isn't fair!"

Yui grinned and told Gendo words that would ring in his mind for the rest of eternity, "This is the world you created Gendo, all your life you worked for this, and now you've achieved it!"

* * *

"AHHHHHHHH!" 

Gendo sat up on his bed, sweating and whimpering, and indeed crying Tabasco. "No..No! I can't ruin all my angst like that! It isn't worth it!"

He took one last look at the full moon before making his final decision, "Sorry Yui, you just aren't worth it…"

EPILOGUE: The next day, the UN's silo of both Nuclear and N2 weapons were mysteriously fired, targeting every single major city on the face of the Earth. At the same time, 9 giant robots could be seen lifting a tenth into the sky… And before everything went black, a man with glasses could be seen having the time of his life.


End file.
